Seeing through GOD'S EYES

August 2, 2013

Have you ever had a moment when you feel so negative about yourself? It's as though you can do nothing right but everything wrong. You are tired with your current situation and are frustrated with yourself.

I have these days, and they aren't fun. For example, I remember feeling like this when I got a bad mark on one of my exams. Why had I done so terribly? How could I be such a failure? Why is there so much wrong with me? God, why is this happening? I hate myself - there is nothing good about me!

The day kept getting worse. After receiving the bad mark, I realized that I had also forgotten to submit a payment for one of my accounts. Great! Now it would be overdue and I would be charged interest. Later on in the day, I acted out rudely with one my friends and hurt their feelings. Then I went home and was miserable to my family. I was angry - more at myself than at anyone else. I felt so bad about myself.

With God All Things Are Possible

June 14, 2013

I struggle with anorexia nervosa - an eating disorder characterized by immoderate food restriction and irrational fear of gaining weight, as well as a distorted body self-perception.

Last year, I became very ill because of this. I had reached a deadly weight and was starting to lose my ability to walk due to muscle weakness. I was immediately admitted to the hospital. Just days later, I caught pneumonia. Then my kidneys failed because of dehydration and my heart could not pump adequately to keep me alive. I couldn't breathe due to diaphragm weakness and the pneumonia. I went to the ICU where I was sedated, had a breathing tube inserted, and was started on 24/7 kidney dialysis.

It was bad.